October 07, 2003 - 11:52 am
Mother's on to me. She asked me this morning why it is that my face (which, a week ago looked like a battlefield due to all the stress) is now completely blemish-free and my skin has a subtle glow. She knows that I've been using her face lotions and potions. I couldn't help myself! I don't have the funds to justify a shipment of my Orgasmic Face Wash and all of her stuff just sits there in the shower and on the bathroom counter teasing me! Taunting me with visions of bright, shiny, clear skin! So I started using little drips and drops of this and that. You know. Just borrowing, really. But then I got hooked! My face! My beautiful face! It was back and better than ever! And before I knew it I was a mess! The exfoliating cream is almost gone and I'll be a monkey's uncle if there's more than a week's worth of Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion left! But really. What son hasn't gone buck-wild with his Mother's skin care products?
Did I mention that I'm broker than broke? I have a grand total of $15 to my name and I've already planned an evening out with a couple of sexy ladies so I don't see that lasting me through the week. And because I'm in such a penury state I can't see a doctor about my leg and I can't make an appointment to get contacts and I can't replace my cell phone that doesn't give me voicemails and falls apart and I can't go to H&M and see if they've anything to contribute to my fall/winter wardrobe and GOD life SUCKS!
And yesterday I got to squeeze real aloe out of a real aloe plant! Mother is growing one in the dining room! She's quite the horticulturist, you know.
And for the first time ever I find myself really wishing that Mother were a slut so that I could call her a whoreticulturist.
I suppose I could still call her a whoreticulturist and she'd never even know! Because that, my friends, is the magic of homonyms!
Ta da
