April 11, 2003 - 8:13 pm
Her name was Nikki. Not this Nikki. Another Nikki. I’ve seen Nikki the past few times I’ve gone into the shop. I would call her brazen. I would call her brash. I might even call her a cunt. She has big hair. And big eyes. And big teeth. And big boobs. And a big ass. And a big mouth. And, all of that aside, I’m not entirely convinced that she isn’t a man. So, when I found out that Nikki would be cutting my hair I was very excited! Very excited indeed! Much to my dismay, though, I quickly learned that Nikki and I seem to speak two completely different languages! You see, to Nikki "Please be careful of my new piercing. It’s only a few days old and still a bit sore" means "Won’t you please take your clippers and run them across my fresh wound over and over again?" Also, when I say "Yeah, it’s a little warm" Nikki hears "No! Are you crazy? The water’s not hot at all! Crank that baby up till you see the skin melt off of my scalp and run down the drain!" Lastly, in Nikki’s language the phrase "Nice and short on the sides, fade up into the top, and just a little off of the top, leaving it a bit longer through the center" means "Please, Nikki, won’t you shave the sides of my head bald and leave a little tuft of hair on top, leaving me with a haircut not at all unlike a Q-Tip?" Let’s all just be thankful for the fact that Taylor is a wizard with the hair product. I have somehow managed to turn my little Q-Tip head into a fab faux-hawk. Sometimes I even amaze myself.
Speaking of Nikki, let’s talk about the other one, shall we? I lost it today. I thought I was doing so well. I hadn’t let her get to me for hours! And then, we were sitting in class and she opened her mouth. This is a rare occurrence, as I’m sure she knows we all ridicule her for everything she says. But today, that didn’t stop her. She was talking to my instructor about the need for a daycare program at our school. All the while my instructor was telling her that a daycare program would never fly at out school but she fought him! She argued with him! She said "No! I deserve a daycare program!" As she was going on I was in the background saying, loudly enough for her to hear me, "Maybe this discussion could be had at another time" and "This is neither the time nor the place." She ignored me. The fucking bitch ignored me! That’s when I lost it. "GOOD LORD I’M SORRY BUT CAN WE PLEASE START CLASS NOW? THIS IS OUT OF CONTROL!" And she shut up. She was stunned. She couldn’t believe it. And then I orgasmed. And then class began.
And now I’m going to cut this short so I can take a shower before I go out. As you can clearly see, having $8.12 to my name doesn’t stop me from enjoying myself.
Ta da
