February 04, 2003 - 1:00 pm
Dear Connie.
Last night, as you may or may not know, I opted to watch a few episodes of Sex and the City. Naturally, one cannot properly enjoy The Ladies without a tall glass of milk and a handful (read: entire box) of Double Stuff Oreos. Well, I had safely danced my way through the opening credits of two episodes by the time I had made it to the third and final episode of the night. Well, there I was, minding my own business, doing our Super Special Sex and the City Opening Credits Dance when, on that last part (you know, the part where you collapse in exhaustion) I fell to the couch and my knee came up and hit the TV table, sending milk up and out of the glass and onto everything in a, oh, I don’t know, thirty mile radius.
After putting The Ladies on pause, I cleaned up the mess and topped off my milk, ready to enjoy one of me ALL-TIME favorite episodes (“The drought”). Well, you know the part where Carrie and Big are in bed and she rolls over and then all the sudden you hear “poooooot”? You know that part? Where she farts in bed with Big? I DIE. Every single gosh-damned time I see it. DEAD. TEARS. ROLLING DOWN MY FACE. And last night. Convulsions. Convulsions that forced my knee, once again, into the TV table, once again sending milk up and out of the glass and onto everything in a, oh, I don’t know, thirty mile radius.
After putting The Ladies on pause, I cleaned up the mess and topped off my milk, once again ready to get back to one of my ALL-TIME favorite episodes. So, there I was, minding my own business, watching The Ladies, enjoying a good time with my Double Stuff Oreos when, all of the sudden, Big put the whoopee cushion on Carrie’s chair at the dinner table. Connie, when I tell you that that part gets me every single gosh-damned time I would NOT be lying. I knew it was coming and it was my own fault for not taking proper precautions. I should have waited. I didn’t need to try to dunk my Double Stuff Oreo cookie and watch Carrie sit on the whoopee cushion at the same time. I mean, I knew it was coming. But I did it. And next thing you, I’ve fallen into a fit of laughter again, resulting in convulsions, once again sending milk up and out of the glass and onto everything in a, oh, I don’t know, thirty mile radius.
Love you,
Taylor-
Ta da
